Still Learning

I am of the belief that G-d has a purpose for all things under the sun. That's why elephants look the way they do, as well as rhino's and why some men insist on walking around the house in just their underwear and socks. There's a method to the madness. I learned this lesson when I was struck with cancer 9 years ago. During this time I learned not to question G-d. You'll never get an answer and asking "why" will just drive you insane. Since I was laid-off 6 months ago, I have never asked why; however, I have asked myself "what I am to learn from this?" I've done quite a bit of soul searching over the past few weeks, especially during the holidays, and here is what I have so far.

I've Learned to Be More Patient-Now, here, I thought I had this one licked. While working at my last job there were times when software had to be loaded on to servers. This could occur as quickly as 30 minutes or as long as 2 days. There were times when conference calls would go on for hours, where the discussion would just seem to go in circles. I had other, more important tasks that needed my attention! Going into this job, I was NOT the most patient person, but I thought I had learned my lesson. EH! WRONG! Being the control freak that I am (translation:anal), I always have my bills ready to be paid 3 months ahead of schedule. Now, having a limited income resource, I've had to learn how to "wait and see how things fall out". This has been most difficult, but I am a better person for it and will remember what TRUE patience is when all is said and done. But a harder lesson I've had to learn is...
How to Be Gracious-I am a very proud person. I don't like to be pitied or looked upon as a charity case. I've taken care of myself and my children on my own for most of my life. I don't like hand-outs. However, recently, I have been receiving gifts, such as boxes of food, e-mails from friends with links to job sites, MONEY, advice and other assorted presents...for no reason at all! Just out of the kindness of friends hearts. It's been hard for me to accept these gifts without my pride taking a direct hit. But I've learned that saying "thank you" and TRULY meaning it, are 2 different things. So to those friends out there who have been so kind in helping me, when I say thank you, know that it comes from my whole heart and soul.
A Mother Never Stops Worrying-You may think that I am referring to how I worry about Stephen and Brett. That's not the case here, for I am speaking of MY mother. Here I am at the ripe old age of ** and my mom is still worried about me. Daily. I would have thought by now, after all these years, she would not stop caring, but at least not have to be concerned about me. I was wrong. A mother's concern for her children never, ever stops. I only hope that one day I will be able to bless her without so MUCH worry. And lastly, at least for today...
True Happiness Must Come From Within-I haven't fully grasped this yet. I'm still working on it. But it's not a job, or a person or persons, or a cruise (although a cruise comes awfully close:)) No, I have to be happy with myself. This is a tough one for me. I feel as though I have been searching for this my whole life and I somehow have the notion that it's just around the corner, waiting for me to find it. Maybe it's just baby steps at first. I don't know.
So maybe the purpose of being laid off was for me to do some soul searching. To learn some important lessons. I don't know the answer. But I know, from experience, not to ask why.
Hang in here with me. I have a feeling the best is yet to come.