It's Getting Harder and Harder...

And so it goes.....
I've moved into the house. All that is left to do is hang the pictures. The hardest part is over. But when I can't even get motivated to hang a few pictures, I know something is not quite right. I look deep into myself, too much I believe, and I find myself, well, sad. I should be very happy right now...new cozy home, new grand baby, and job searching for that next adventure. But I'm just worn out. While I want to use this blog to share my life and adventures with my family and friends, I must admit, I'm not much in a sharing mood. And so it is, that I sign off again for a bit until that time when I can share happy and fun thoughts with all.
No worries, this too shall pass.

IT'S GREAT TO BE A FLORIDA GATOR!

You've all heard me go on and on about my passion for family, friends and cruises. Well, here's another great passion of mine...FLORIDA GATOR FOOTBALL! 38 more days, baby and the fun begins!

Sorry!

Sorry there is no word of the week this week. Things are crazy busy right now. Hopefully I will be back to blogging next week.

Working on Those Night Moves...Because I Can

A friend of mine, a guy as a matter of fact, recently told me one of his all time favorite lines in a song was, " I used her, she used me, but neither one cared, we were gettin' our share..." I told him I really liked that line too, as it reminded me of when I was in high school, "experimenting" as it were. Then he said, "so you were a little slutty back then?" Never mind my response. But it got me to thinking: here we are in the 21st century and we still carry with us those "1950's" values? Guys who sleep around are heroes and women who sleep around are whores.
So here I am again, on my soapbox. And I ask you, how ridiculous is this thinking? Are there those of you still out there who are raising children teaching them this thought process? If not, how is this mind thought still proliferated? It's 2008 folks. When I was growing up, it wasn't just the boys who attached this labels to girls. Girls did it too. But I think girls did it as a defense mechanism for the most part, boys say it for ego. I think the fact that woman now have more control over their bodies (i.e. birth control) than ever before, and can decide for themselves who they are going to sleep with or not sleep with, scares the shit out of men. You should know guys, it scares us too. Rejection is a bitch. But because I CAN choose to sleep with someone, and I CAN choose if I want to call him and see him again or not, does this make me a ____? (fill in your own label here. I won't help)
I honestly hope I get some comments on this, from men and women alike. I would like to hear what the thinking out there is from REAL people, not from scholars and their theories.
For the record, I'm not a feminist or a lesbian. (Not that feminists are lesbians). I don't hate men. I hate all genders equally...lol. I do realize that not all men and women think like this, so please, I beg of you don't be offended. It's just me, blowing off a bit of steam. Because I can.

Buying Passing Grades, Dried Legumes and Oh Yeah, We're Doomed

I'm sure you're wondering what this blog will be about considering the strange title. Honestly, I couldn't tell you. Today I have so many thoughts running through my mind, I will just write what's in my head instead of my usual writing from the heart.
I miss being in school. Never thought I'd hear myself say that one out loud. Green vegetables, especially lima beans and peas are pretty icky. They get smooshy in your mouth. I'm seriously considering, for the first time in my adult life, of not voting in November. I don't particularly like any of the candidates. I can't wait for football season to start. There are 3 seasons in the South: chilly, hot as hell, and football. I'm watching "The View". This proves I must get a job soon. I feel bad because I didn't drunk dial Adam last night (sorry, dude). I'm ready for this move to be over. I miss Stephen, Casey and Gavin. "Mama Mia" opens tomorrow and I still haven't seen "Sex and the City". How many more years will Oprah last? Angela is going to Vegas tonite! WIN BIG! Shea Stadium is going bye-bye. Another piece of history bites the dust. Corporate America is too greedy for words. Brett has a job interview today! I hate secrets. If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there, do you really care if anyone can hear it? I hope I'm not here for armageddon...doesn't sound like it would be much fun. But if I am here, I hope I'm on a cruise when it happens. We can send people into space but most men can't remember to put the damn toilet seat down. What's up with that? Jaime is doing well in school...I knew she would! I need to get a new bathrobe. Watermelon filled with rum rocks. I like Facebook. I think I may need to sleep more. We're not really doomed, just my warped sense of humor. Finally, someone out there realizes it IS all about me. I'm going to miss living with my mom. I am happy today.
'Nuff said.

Word of the Week

And so, here we are, another Monday. This could only mean one thing: it's time for the Word of the Week. And I believe, this weeks word is quite fitting for my mental state. Are you ready for this?

trichotillomania • \trick-uh-till-uh-MAY-nee-uh\ noun: an abnormal desire to pull out one's hair

Now I'm not sure given the current circumstances that my wanting to pull my hair out is not abnormal. Let's face it, I've got a lot going on. I'm moving this week. I got the key to my new house this afternoon. I want to move as much of my stuff into the house before Saturday when the furniture moves in. At the same time, I need to look for a job. I've applied for 9 jobs since Thursday. My 18 year old thinks I'm independently wealthy. I had 2 doctor's appointments today. I didn't get to call all my friends and family this weekend as I was busy having a pity party (all over now). Max has fleas. I'm trying to set up a weekly chat for some of my friends. I miss my favorite TV show, LOST. Is it any wonder I may be suffering from trichotillomania?

I know I bring it on myself. I KNOW this. But knowing it, doesn't make it go away. It's just the way my mind works. I live in a constant state of flux. I don't know how NOT too. And it's not for lack of trying. I have these wonderful little pills that are supposed make me nice and calm and pleasant. Outwardly I'd like to think I am all those attributes and more. But being my brain is a very difficult job. I don't even want to be there. However, sometimes this state of flux works to my advantage. I have the uncanny ability to multi-task and stay organized, even when my brain is thinking "Did you turn the stove off this morning?" (Of course I did, I never turned it on)

Hopefully, in the next few weeks my bout of trichotillomania will pass. And then I am sure, life will return to something close to normal...whatever that might be.

Blue

When he calls, my face lights up.
My stomach spirals at the sound of his voice.
He makes me laugh so hard I cry.
And then I cry for he is not here, but there.

Yet the tears don't last long.
The time will come when we will be together again.
I smile when I think of the places we will go and the things we will do.
My face lights up again.

Thank You....And May I Introduce....

First, I must thank all of you for you kind thoughts and prayers regarding the recent events in my life. My chin is up (shout out to 'a') and every little ting gonna be 'arie. (That's Jamacian for fine). An apology to those that are George W. supporters. No offense to you and I hope none taken.
As I look over this blog, I've noticed something very peculiar; with the exception of 1 blog, it's all about me. Those of you that know me well, know that I believe the world revolves around me, as it should (insert laughter here), but in reality it does not. So from time to time, I would like to introduce you to some of the people who make up my insane world. My first choice is a person no one in this world would imagine. We don't talk much, to or about each other, but I would give my life for him in a heart beat. May I introduce, my brother, Marc.
Born in the sign of water, many many years ago, Marc presently works as a Production Assistant for various movies and TV shows. His latest gig was working with the stunt crew for The Fast and the Furious 4. He was awarded for his work with this production crew for not missing a day of work for 4 months. He has served in the Army as a reporter, first for the Ft. Benning newspaper and eventually as the anchorman for their station.
Marc has a wicked, yet wry sense of humor...with his friends. Family, he takes very seriously. Especially my boys. There is nothing he wouldn't do for his family. He, like I, has an extended family as well; a group of 5 very talented and special men who has known since high school. It is quite an event when they are all together, which unfortunately doesn't happen very often anymore.
He is still single...and likes it that way, thank you very much. Although when he is in a relationship, I must admit, he knows how to treat a woman right. Flowers, candy, romance; a true gentleman. You just don't find men like him these days. When he's not working he's either at the beach or watching 1 of his over 1,000 DVD's. Did I mention he's a movie fanatic? On Saturday mornings in the fall, you can find him on the couch watching ESPN Gameday...even though he lives in California and has to be up at 5:00 a.m to catch it. Needless to say, he's a Florida Gator fan through and through.
Truth be told, it's only been in the last 12 years that we have become "true" friends. We barely share anything in common, except our parents. Our view of the world politically couldn't be farther apart. Yet we have come to a happy place where we agree to disagree (but I'm still right). I miss him terribly. But it's comforting to know that I can pick up a phone anytime day or night and he will stop whatever he is doing to talk to me.
I know he doesn't have time to read this blog, so I would sign off by saying "I love you____(insert nickname here). But on the chance he does take time from his busy schedule and since I value my life, I will just sign off with, I love ya kid.

One Door Closes...And Another One Opens....I Hope

As most of you are aware, I lost my job today. It is here on my blog where I can REALLY voice how I feel. Here, I don't have to be politically correct.
I hate George W. Bush. There I said it. I half expect the FBI, the CIA or someone from the Department of Homeland Security to show up at my door for saying that. I hope they do. Maybe they have an opening for me. This man and his half-wit, dumbass, idiotic domestic policy bites the big one. Is he directly at fault for my losing my job? No, not really. If he had better policy might I still have a job, possibly. It would be easy to point fingers at the muckety-mucks in my former company who sit in their expensive suites and make a bizillion dollars a year for doing absolutely nothing. But why waste my breath? There are people who read this blog that I am angry with...you know who you are, you know what you did, or rather didn't do, and you should be ashamed of yourselves as human beings. I'm ashamed to say I ever called you friends.
That said, it's on to a new chapter in my life. I will call this chapter, "Life After the Big C, Part 2."
This last job was my third incarnation at a career; my first being a manager, my second as an HR director and this last one as a "Software Engineer". You should know, my Bachelor's is in Sociology...go figure.
I'm moving into my new house in 10 days, which is a perfect metaphor for my life right now. This is an adventure and I can't wait to see where it takes me.

Word of the Week...And Cruising Part Deux

Normally I go out of my way to find a very odd word for my Word of the Week. However, this week I've chosen a word everyone knows and often takes for granted. In the last year-and-a-half, this word has taken on a whole new meaning for me. Without further ado:

family: a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation

Now I'm sure most of you are thinking, "Aww...she spent the weekend with her new grand baby, her sons and daughter-in-law; she's going to write about them." You would be wrong. I've learned that family doesn't mean blood related.
Have you ever had this situation: You and a friend plan a night out. Your friend invites another friend saying, "Oh, you 2 will get along fabulously." But you don't. Now imagine, having an entire GROUP of people you've never met, only e-mailed and yet feel an instant connection. This my friends is just a mere description of Big Ed's Evil Crew.
We didn't all meet at the same time. Our common bonds started out two-fold: Our love for cruising and our fascination with John Heald, Carnival Corporation's Sr. Cruise Director. This is where we met, on his blog, in virtual reality land (Thank you RC). We would leave comments for John, and most times he would respond. The most vocal of the group, in the beginning was Ed. He would tease and taunt John about a variety of things. Eventually, Ed started his own blog, dedicated to all things John. Over time, many of us would respond not only to John's comments, but to Ed's as well. In the beginning there were only a handful of us. (I would name names here, but for fear of forgetting someone, I won't). As time went on and John's blog got more popular, a Blogger's Cruise was created. That was all that was needed.
The group of a few decided to plan "evil" events of our own for John based on some of his "odd" nuances. And a handful turned into 20. I remember one evening, when the e-mails were only at 10 a day, one of the ladies, and for the life of me I can't remember who, called herself a princess. That's all it took. For those that don't remember, I am Princess Elaine, the quiet and single. (they didn't know me well then). Not to be outdone, almost everyone gave themselves a self-titled name. Silly for adults, to be sure, but you'd be amazed at how dirty, raunchy and flirty royalty can be. And then there were 60.
As the cruise itself grew closer, the planning of evil, including our own T-shirts a fart machine and scrap booking took on a whole new life. Gone were the 10 e-mails a day; one morning I woke up to 180 e-mails! And I had only been asleep for 7 hours and had written before I went to bed. I was looking forward to meeting all these people that I had grown close to over the months. I figured I would see most of them at Blogger events while on the ship, and the rest of the time would be spent with my sister Lisa. Wrong.
Upon arriving at the pier on that beautiful Saturday morning, I was asked by security to please remove my shoes. Seems as though my brand new sandals were setting off the alarm. By doing so, I was holding up a very long line. Behind me I heard someone say,"Geez, leave it to Princess Elaine to slow us all down." I turned to look at who in this giant terminal could know me...to this day, I still don't know who that was, but from that point on I had a feeling this would be a cruise I wouldn't soon forget. After getting through security and waiting in a never-ending line to get my most valuable cruise possession, the almighty "Sail and Sign" card, I heard someone from above yell, "Princess Elaine!" It was him in the flesh and blood" Big Ed and his wife Pat. So far, I hadn't even boarded the ship and people were shouting my name.
We hadn't plan to meet in any one particular spot, but once on the ship, I had to find Ed. Straight to the pool deck we went and there he was. Of course, I had to hug him and Pat. Then came the Chads, the Budds, the Cordles, Lance and Ilda...and on and on it went. It was as if the King was meeting his court. As we all met for the first time, it seemed, to me anyway, that we had known each other forever.
During the cruise was no different. Everywhere I turned I knew someone or someone knew me. Yes, Lisa and I went to all the Blogger events. They were fun and there were many surprises. As well, there were 3 people in our Crew that couldn't attend the cruise; no worries...at each event I would call them so they could feel that they were included in the festivities.
By the end of the cruise, John had announced the 2009 Blogger's cruise. Without getting into the nitty gritty, I am a bit turned off by Carnival and am debating if I will sail with them again. However, I AM booked on the 2009 cruise. Why? Because I don't want to miss a minute of the family reunion. And not just a reunion...newbies too! Our little family has grown to a large family of 110.
And for the record, it's not that we're close just when we're on a ship. We are there for each other during good times and bad. Daily. We share weddings, births, sickness, job loss...the good, the bad and the ugly. Just like any family would be expected to do.
The true moment I knew this was family came about a month ago. When you get angry, really, really angry at friends, you can choose to disassociate yourself from them, leaving them out of your life. There have been times in my life when I wish I had the ability to do this with my blood family but I could not. They are a part of your life forever. Such was the case last month. Without going into detail, I got very angry with a person in the Crew. I vowed to never speak/e-mail with them again. After a day or two, I realized that this person is a part of my family, good or bad. I've always spouted to others that the Crew was my family; but the point didn't really hit home until that moment.
As I've said on this blog in the past, I'm not very good with words. I know what I want to say, that is, what is in my heart. But I feel as though I fall short sometimes. I hope I've been able to express here just how much I love this family and how joyous and enriched my life is because they are a part of me.
And so, knowing them as well as I do, at this point, someone in this family would say, "Enough with this sappy shit, where's the piano bar and tequila?