Work Much?

From Girl Scouts (yes, I was a Girl Scout) I learned many lessons. The most important one being that I would NEVER grow up to be a salesperson. I couldn't sell those cookies if my life depended on it. And at the time, it felt like it did. I remember my Mom was the "cookie chairman" for the entire Gainesville region. She and I ate more boxes of cookies than I sold. This is because the region's cookies were stored at our house.
I'm not going to go on and on about where I worked; but I will tell you this; I think I have worked many jobs, and I believe I have done them all to the best of my ability. I have been a cashier, a waitress, a cook, an assistant manager of a major pizza place, a teacher's aide, an administrative assistant, a human resources director, a data analyst, a graduate teaching assistant, a records clerk, a billing specialist, a clinic assistant, a manager of medical information systems and technology, and a training and implementation specialist. And while I may have enjoyed all these jobs, for I got to learn so much and meet some very interesting people, there was only 1 job that I truly loved: a Mom.
The hours were long (24/7) and the monetary pay was sparse. But nothing in this world has given me more joy and happiness than in the role I played as a mother. Those of you who have children will relate to this; being a Mom is just a title, for there are many other roles that are played under this umbrella: teacher, cook (I was not so good at this), laundress, chauffer, ethics and moral professor, police officer, maid, disciplinarian, nurse, doctor, driving coach, party planner and vacation planner just to name a few.
As I've said before, I have been blessed with 2 wonderful boys. I would be lying if I told you it was easy raising them, especially as a single Mom for most of their lives. Luckily, I had good friends and family that helped me along the way. But there is not one single, solitary moment of my life as a Mom that I would change for all the money in the world.
I know this job was not only the most special and hardest job I've ever had. I would like to think I did pretty well in this role. Not that the job is over, mind you. It's never ending. And I am so very grateful. As well, I have started a new job recently: Grandma. And I am having so much fun learning about this role.
As I am still unsure about what my next job will be, I take with me all that I have learned from previous positions and hopefully that will make me a better, more useful employee. As I eagerly search for that next job, I am comforted in the fact that I still am and always will be Stephen and Brett's mom.

Sex

Seriously? Did you REALLY think I was going to blog about this topic? Yes, I'm taking a journey. But, no, I'm not sharing this part.
GOTCHA!!

You're Moving Again? Is This a Joke?

I should have been born to a gypsy family. If after this blog you don't agree, I would be quite surprised.
My journey has taken me many places. I will blog about those another time. This blog is about where I lived and at the end, maybe, just maybe, you will still be interested.
I've lived in 36 different homes in 7 different cities and 3 different states. Watch this.
1. Rego Park in Queens, New York
2. Jamaica in Queens, New York
3. Georgetown Apts. Gainesville, FL (#62)
4. Georgetown Apts. Gainesville, FL (#54)
5. Brookwood Terrace Apts. Gainesville, FL
6. Pelican Blvd. Cape Coral, FL
7. Nobility (housing sub-division) Cape Coral, FL
8. Another house Cape Coral, FL
9. Grandma's house, Wilmington, DE
10. Cape Coral Pkwy. Cape Coral, FL
11. Glen Springs Manor, Gainesville, FL (#1)
12. Glen Springs Manor, Gainesville, FL (#2)
13. 43rd Street, Gainesville, FL
14. NE 39th Ave., Gainesville, FL
15. 43rd Street, Gainesville, FL
16. Georgetown Apts. Gainesville, FL
17. Bearss Ave., Tampa, FL
18. North Florida Ave., Tampa, FL
19. Carrollwood (sub-division) Tampa, FL
20. North Lakeland Lakeland, FL
21. SE Gainesville, Gainesville, FL
22. Georgetown Apts., Gainesville, FL
23. South Lakeland, Lakeland, FL
24. Woodbridge Apts., Lakeland, FL (#1)
25. Woodbridge Apts., Lakeland, FL (#2)
26. Brookwood Terrace Apts., Gainesville, FL (#1)
27. Brookwood Terrace Apts., Gainesville, FL (#2)
28. SE Gainesville House Gainesville, FL
29. Georgetown Apts., Gainesville, FL (#1)
30. Georgetown Apts., Gainesville, FL (#2)
31. Cleveland Heights Apts., Lakeland, FL
32. House ??? Lakeland, FL
33. NW Gainesville, Gainesville, FL
34. My first house alone Gainesville, FL
35. Martin St., Indian Harbour Beach, FL
36. Timpoochee Drive, Indian Harbour Beach, FL (coming soon!!)
Whew! So, what I've I learned from all this? Well, I certainly have packing down to an art form. But looking at the overall picture, while trying to remember all these places, I've remembered the people I've met along the way as well as the events that occurred in many of these places. For example, my childhood friend Amelia (from #2 on the list) met one of my best friends from high school, Mark (I was at #11 at that time), fell in love and are now married. Interspersed through all these moves there was the very first time I got into a pool (#3), meeting the friend who has been in my life the longest, Lisa (#6), my first legal drink (#13) weddings (#18 and #26), babies born (#19 and #22), Bar Mitzvah's (#28 and #31), and my first cruise (#32). And I can't say enough about all the friends I have made along the way. The reasoning behind all the moves is an impossible feat to attempt to explain. But whether is was for good reason or not, I can say this for sure: it's been one hell of a move.

Swimming

Believe it or not, I was an Olympic swimmer. Well, almost. Remember the year Jimmy Carter decided to boycott the Olympics? That was to be my year. I had forgotten how important swimming was to my life.
I swam for 7 years. By the time I reached 11th grade I was burnt out and quit. As I think back on those days, I remember the fun of the meets: the shave down parties the night before the meets, sneaking out of the hotel room in the middle of the night for a little "fun" and meeting my first boyfriend, Drew Clark. And I cannot forget those dreaded practices. Up at 4:00 a.m, bike to the pool, 2 hours of lap upon lap, upon lap, ride the bike home, shower and dress, catch the bus for school, home, bike to practice, lap upon lap upon lap (sometimes when our coach when in an incredibly bad mood we would have to wear shirts, shorts and socks during the evening practices), bike home, dinner, and then homework. I remember, only now, how I used to do a lot of thinking during laps. While I was supposed to focused on the swimming and the technique, my mind would drift to the events of the day or of my life. When my parents got divorced, I can remember crying during laps. It's amazing the things you forget over time.
On some Friday practices, when there was not a meet the next day, for fun, the coach would let us play water polo...with a greased watermelon. Builds strength, you know. However, come meet time, it was all worth it.
Standing behind the starting block, stretching, getting the nerves out, or, trying to psyche out the person in the lane next to you. The starter says, "ladies, step up." At that moment I would picture every inch of the race.
Back then there was no such thing as a Nike swim suit to make us glide through the water. Just the old lycra. One year, since my city's team colors were orange and black, we had orange bathing suits: they were see-through. I swam some of my fastest times that year....and made sure someone was at the finish line waiting for me with a towel. Sorry, went off topic there for a moment. We had to WORK to get to the end of the swim. We had no help from our "suits". I take nothing away from the swimmers of today, but somehow, it all seems a bit too easy.
Believe it or not, I was a good loser. I never blamed anyone but myself for my losses. If nothing else, the losses made me a stronger competitor. It made me hungry to win the next time.
Since I left the sport, I can rarely get in a swimming pool without doing laps. I've yet to learn how to kick back and enjoy the water. Mom has suggested I join the local "masters" swimming team (masters=old folks). It's something to think about. But I can't imagine it would be anything like it was when I was younger. Except the winning of course...that feeling never leaves.

Marriage

When I was younger, I never pictured my wedding. All the girls around me did, though. The beautiful white dress, the rings, the cake, the vows...held no interest for me. I never thought I would ever get married; I just couldn't see "giving up" myself to anyone. But I did...not once, but twice.
It would be nice if I could say that my marriages failed because of the men I married. But that would be a lie. A HUGE lie. I've learned a few things about myself over the last 20 years; one of which is that I'm not an easy person to live with. As a matter of fact, I can be a downright bitch. For example, when I walk in the house from a long day at work, why is it that I can see the sink full of dirty dishes, but the men who have been in my life (children included) are blind? Don't get me wrong, my failed marriages were not about dishes, but different directions our lives were going. The first time, we were too young and the expectations ran high, on both our sides. We were forever disappointing one another. As for the second time, I take most of the blame. I didn't make life easy for him and I took him for granted...alot.
I just read the above paragraph. From the sounds of it, you would think I was miserable the entire time I was married to them. Oh, but I wasn't. From Mike I was blessed with the gift of 2 lovely and wonderful children. As well, I married into a terrific family with whom I am still close today. He taught me common sense and I taught him book sense. He turned me on to country music and Garth Brooks, (whose music I still love to this day), Pink Floyd and the Talking Heads. I learned to appreciate pick-up trucks and good ole' southern traditions. (like grilling corn on the cob while it's still in the husks). He taught me the ins-and-outs of baseball and I taught him that poopy diapers are a natural part of life for infants.
From Danny, I learned how to laugh out loud and not take life SO seriously. But at the same time, I'd like to think I showed him how to be an adult. Actually it was not I who taught him that, it was my children. He was a wonderful step-father and he continues to be an important part of their lives. Through his grand-dad he taught me about honor. He showed me how much fun camping could be, as long as there is a bathroom at the campground (I squat for no one!!) , And we both learned, at a huge cost, to be weary of people we don't know.
Obviously, since I am divorced from both of them, it was not all sunshine and roses. But in their own ways, at different times of my life, they both made me so very, very happy. And in my own way, I loved them both... passionately.
What I have learned from all this, is that even with the good times, marriage is just not in the cards for me. Don't get me wrong, it would be nice if I could find someone and fall in love again. I just think that that little piece of paper sets expectations too high; mine and theirs. I am happy to be on my own, knowing that when I get home the dishes will be cleaned and I will have no one to thank for that except myself.

Epiphany

I don't know how or why it happened. I was just sitting on the back porch thinking about Brett and how I wish I could help him with his problems. When all of a sudden, it hit me like a ton of bricks: Life is not about who ends up with the most toys; it's all about the journey.
Now it's not like I have not heard this before. But out of nowhere, it seems to have taken on true meaning for me. So I've spent the better part of the last 24 hours taking stock of my life thus far: the places I've been, the people I've met, family, friends, fun, sad, bad....and on and on. I must tell you, it was very hard to concentrate at work today.
I'm not sure yet if this will change my life at all. But I feel the need to write about it and get it all out there. And so, I will do that here, from time to time. I am hoping that this will give me a better perspective on my life and those around me. And maybe, just maybe, when all is said and done, and I've written all I can, I will be able to look back at the journey and find what I've been looking for for so very long: happiness.

The Day Will Come....

...when I have some good news to share on my blog. Unfortunately, the news here still is not that good. Mom and I found out on Friday that the lovely beach house we moved into 6 weeks ago is being foreclosed upon. So you see, we will have to move again...sometime soon.
This just sucks.
And so I work towards the day when I shall have some GOOD news to share.
Chin up!

Down...But Not Out

"You take the good, you take the bad and there you have the Facts of Life"...or something like that. It's just not been a good week for me, for more reasons that I can share. I usually try to keep my blogging as upbeat as I can, but I'm just not feeling very up at the moment. Then why blog, you might ask? Good question. As I've said before I use this blog as a mechanism for catharsis. I need to catharse. (Laura, is that even a word??)
I read other people's blogs; lots of those people are retired. I always thought I would look forward to retirement, but now, I'm not so sure. It gets old sitting at the computer day after day looking for work. When I'm not at the computer, I'm driving around looking for work. I can't imagine being in the house for the rest of my life. The way I see it, I have to get a job very soon, so I can pay back all the people to whom I owe money. Then I have to start saving as much as I can, as quickly as I can, so when I retire, I can get out of the house.
Without going into too much detail, I was sick this week. I had plans for a wonderful "mini-vaca" and had to cancel at the last minute. I'm feeling better, but the doctor I had to see didn't want to treat me at first, as I have no insurance. Seriously?????
But....I live at the beach! I hear the waves from my back porch! I AM going to find a job! I will go on vaca someday. Football season starts in less than 2 weeks! Most importantly, I have family and friends who love me! I am so very lucky.

Here and There...

It's been a while. I have not had anything of interest to say. And truth be told, I still don't. But I feel the need to write.
Mom and I are finally settled into our new and FINAL home. I think she has 1 box left to unpack. All the pictures are up on the wall, and we've even had company stop by to say hello. A few nights a week, we go down to the beach and watch the waves come in. Actually, I sit and watch, she walks the beach. Hopefully soon, my legs will let me start walking the beach as well. I've been fortunate so far that I haven't seen any ships leaving the port. I think it would make me sad to watch them sail without me.
I'm still looking for work. I've had a few bites, but nothing has seemed to pan out. I know the right job will come in time. I just have to be patient. Ok, you can stop laughing now.
Football season is only 18 days away. I CAN'T WAIT! Brett called the other day as he heard the CBS opening song for college football on TV and it brought chills to him. When he told me about it, I got chills too. Amazing the little things in life that can excite you. Speaking of Brett, he moved out of his Dad's house and into a place of his own (with a roommate). I am so proud of him. He's working hard, towing the line...there's a very good possibility he is getting his life straightened out. I couldn't be happier! I know he can succeed if he just puts his mind to it.
Big Brother has been just too good for words this season. It is my guilty pleasure of the summer. I just can't seem to get enough.
Lastly, a shout out to my friend Kenney, who just graduated from Santa Fe with his A.A degree. He worked relativ...I mean very hard to attain this goal. Now he moves on to getting his Bachelor's in Health Care Administration. Lord, have mercy on his soul.
That's about it for now. Hopefully I will have some good news to report soon. As the good Empress would say, don't forget to leave a comment.

Boo Hoo..

If I could, I would...

• be employed
• never have to ask for help
• be more trusting
• find a cure for cancer and other mind-boggling useless diseases
  
• enjoy life more
• quit smoking*
• help the boys and their family more
• like critters**
• take mom on another cruise
  
• try something new everyday

Sorry all...just a bit down. As I've said before, I'm sure this too shall pass.
* Working on it
** Never gonna happen

Can You Guess Where My Mind Is????

...infused with a bit of humor.

Heaven For Me

As I sit on my back patio, it is a beautiful night: the moon high in the sky so bright, reggae music playing from the CD player, listening to the crickets chirp and the sound of the waves hitting the shore are in the background. It makes me want to be in Jamaica, mon.
Soft breezes, beautiful beaches, fruity drink in my hand. I am on a hammock on the beach. The hammock is hung between 2 beautiful palm trees, reggae playing in the background. Ahh...this is my Jamaica. Now I know there are many of the "crew" who believe that this wonderful country is full of scoundrels trying ever so hard to make a buck. "Can I braid your hair, sistah?" or "I've got some good green here for ya my, sistah." Once you get past all of them and get to the beach, I swear, it's heaven on earth. I need a little piece of that heaven right now. I think I'm as close as I'm going to get for the time being. And it is good enough for me.
"Don't worry, bout a ting....every little ting gonna be arie'"

Shhh....

In my spare time (HA!) I go to Face Book quite a bit. At first I liked to see what all my friends are doing these days. I've found many from as far back as middle school (yes, that's far back for me). I liked those silly quizzes "How Well Do You Know Your Friends?" (pretty well) or "What's Your Stripper Name?" (never took that one and never will). But recently, I've found that it's become a place for people to air their dirty laundry and stab one another in the back. Fun? Not so much anymore. Although, I must admit, I have posted in anger once or twice.
Believe it or not, Face Book, along with some personal relationships of late, have taught me to, wait for it, shut my mouth. OK, everyone can breathe now. It's not that I always speak WHATEVER is on my mind WHENEVER I wanted. I've learned as an adult there is a time and place for everything. Recently, though, I've learned how to be more tactful. As well, I've had to remind myself to choose my words very carefully. ( I ask you, where is the fun in that???!!!)
My favorite quote is "Knowledge is power". Apparently, I've become more knowledgeable. At my age. Go figure.

At the Beach

The move went as well as could be expected. There were a few little hiccups, but nothing major. I've been spending my time looking for a job, unpacking boxes, and re-arranging furniture. I would love to tell you that the above picture was taken at my beach, but I can't. I've yet to find my camera. But my beach looks something like this. :) I've been down to the shore once so far, and that was for only 5 minutes. I am sure once life becomes more settled I will have many pictures to share with all of my beach.
I've also yet to see a cruise ship go by my home. Mind you, I've been a bit too busy to look but I will try to make time this weekend. I'm not really sure I want to see the ships sail away without me. I've done the math and considering how far in debt being laid-off has left me, I believe my next cruise will be with Gavin for his 5th birthday. This is assuming of course Stephen and Casey will let me take him. 4 years seems very far off before I set foot on a ship again, but hey, I've survived worse, right? :)
Back to the grind I go...but I don't mind...I'm livin' the dream. I'm living near the beach!
p.s. Don't you just hate those :) at the end of a sentence. I know I do.

Ta, Ta...For Now

It's time to pack the computer. OMG...how will I survive 4 days without my extended limb, my laptop?!
Tomorrow morning the movers will be here, then on to Mom's apartment. Once they are done there it's on to Indian Harbour Beach for all of our stuff and my mom. Max, Ernie and myself will not leave until early Saturday morning. I don't like driving during high traffic times on the interstate. Friday afternoon in Florida is most assuredly a high volume traffic time. So I will wait for the more peaceful Saturday morning...6:00 am to be exact. And I will use the back roads as well. Nothing like a nice quiet drive through the Ocala Forest with a dog, a cat, the cat's litter box and my trusty laptop.
So, until I'm up and running and able to share my moving experience with you all, have a great, safe happy weekend.

The Words I've Been Waiting to Hear

Today I had my bi-annual visit with my oncologist. I asked him if he realized I had been coming to see him for 8 years now and told him that was longer than both my marriages had lasted. He laughed. We spent a lot of time talking about Electronic Health Records and I scolded him for not even knowing how to use a computer.
When he finally finished his exam, I said the same thing I always say at the end of my visit: "So, doc, I'm cured, right?" He normally responds with, "Well, remember Elaine you had a very advanced form of cancer that we had to treat very agressively. But because you are ___ years without a recurrence, it's LIKELY the cancer won't return." Blah, blah, blah. So today when I asked the question, he turned to me and said, "Elaine, I'm happy to report that given the amount of time that has past, based on all studies and clinical trials, you are cured. There is a 0% chance you will ever have a recurrence." All I could do was look at him oddly and say, "Seriously?" And he responded with "Very seriously." How freakin' cool is that? I feel the need to celebrate as I thought I would never hear those words from his mouth. He did, however, mention that he can't make any promises about lung cancer. His nice way of saying, 'quit the damn cigarettes'. I told him I was working on it, which is half true.
Needless to say, Mom and I are going out for dinner to celebrate!
What a great day!!

Feeling Lazy

I cannot believe how unmotivated I am right now. A week from today I will have moved to my new home. But before then, I have so much to do...and I don't want to do ANYTHING except lay on the couch and watch TV.
Today I went to Goodwill, did grocery shopping, cleaned and scrubbed one bathroom, cleaned out the refrigerator and loaded up the trunk of my car. But I have so much more to do and I can't seem to get moving. So, here I sit, blogging. Procrastinating.
My house is just about a done deal...a little more cleaning and a few more boxes to pack of odds and ends I will be done. However, I still have Mom's house to pack and clean. I figure if I do a little each day for the rest of the week both of our houses will be ready for the movers on Friday. Then she and the movers will head to the beach, while I stay behind and clean her apartment. On Saturday morning I will load my car with my personal belongings, including Max and Ernie for the 3 hour drive to Indian Harbour Beach. Ahh....arriving in Nirvana. I can't wait!!
I found out this week there is a hotel only blocks from my house and on Sunday afternoons, on their back Tiki bar deck they have a reggae fest. Once settled, I'm sure you will know where to find me on Sundays. Tiki bar, fru-fru drink, reggae music and the beach. What else could anyone ask for...well, except maybe a cruise. :)
Ok, I've procrastinated enough...back to the couch.

A Year Ago Today.....

...I forgot my friend Jaime's birthday. That is so not like me. But I had good reason...I had just gotten laid off and I was pretty drunk. But I didn't forget today...so....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAIME!!!
GO GATORS!!!!

blue....

And here I am a year later. As of tomorrow I will be unemployed again. This time by my own choosing. But I won't be for long.....

FRUSTRATION!!

Arrrggghhhhhh.....!!!!!! Do you know how frustrating it is when you give someone really good advice and they TOTALLY ignore you??? What's more frustrating is the fact that they didn't listen to you is going to affect many, many people in a bad way. What's worse, I cannot do anything about it. Frustrated, frustrated, frustrated. I feel the need to hit something. A wall. No wait, already did that when my advice was ignored. I think I shall go uproot some of my plants for the move to let out some of my frustration in a constructive manner. Very unusual for me, don't ya think?
Ugghhhh........

Another Great Weekend and Other Stuff

So, Stephen called early Friday afternoon and asked if I had any plans for the weekend. Well, of course I did...I'm moving in 2 weeks, right? Saturday was going to be spent packing at my mom's and Sunday was to be spent packing in my house, as Brett was coming to get his stuff. Anyway, Stephen says, "Would you like some company?" And all of a sudden, just like that, I had no plans for the weekend. "Absolutely, when will you be here?" was my reply.
And so, for the second weekend in a row, I spent 2 1/2 days with Stephen, Casey, Brett and Gavin. Not so much Brett...he's 19 and has a life, don't ya know. And in-between all the visiting, I actually got some packing done.
"Buck-a, buck-a, buck-a". This is Gavin's favorite saying. Have no idea what it means, but it's his answer to everything. And, and...this is so cool...AND I got kisses before he went to sleep the other night!! Love it, love it, love it. It's the little things in life I'm learning to appreciate again.
Casey looks amazing and we spent quite a bit of time talking. Stephen is Stephen...what a man he has become. I am so proud.
Only 4 days left of work...well paid work anyway. Then comes the down to the last minute, nitty-gritty packing and cleaning. I swear, this is my LAST move. Never again, never.
I found out this week that my new house is only 2 blocks from a hotel that has "reggae Sundays" on their back deck every Sunday. I have a feeling I know where I will be found on most Sundays. I must find a job quickly so I can afford all those laid-back Sunday's I'm dreaming about. And being so close to the beach...well...it's just a dream come true for me. However, it will be hard for me on Saturday's and Sunday's watching all those ships leave without me. One of these days I will be back to cruising again. :)
And happiness begins to take root....stay tuned.

Too Much Fun!!

What a fantastic weekend!! It's taken me this long to recuperate. Gavin's party was a huge success. So many family and friends together again. And then I had the honor of babysitting, along with my mom and Mike's (my ex) mom, Peggy. Mind you, Gavin ate entire cake all on is own and I think he had a bit of a sugar high. He was completely off his normal schedule as well, but we still had fun. We played with some of his new toys, had dinner (although much of his meal ended up on the floor), read books and, of course, bath time. He loves his rubber duckie and giggles when you splash water on him. Then it was off to bed, where he quietly drifted off to sleep almost immediately. He had a very long day. And so did I. I was "plum tuckered out" as they say in the South.
On Sunday we had breakfast together and some more play time. Then Casey came to pick him up. I was sad to see him go, but he waved "bye, bye" to me and I had to smile. I can't wait to see him again!
And now the real fun begins....countdown to move day: 16 days and counting.

Happy Birthday Gavin!

My how time flies! Yes, it was 1 year ago today that my beautiful grandson Gavin Riley Scott was born. I swear it seems like only yesterday. But oh my how he's grown.
He talks to me on the phone...well, kind of. Mostly I talk to him and sing his favorite song to him. I hear he is walking on his own and has a small vocabulary including, "da, da" and "no, no". As well, he has no time for baby food anymore...he likes "real" food, especially pasta.
Mom and I will be driving down to Lakeland tomorrow for his birthday party. I can't wait. Check the blog next week for details and pictures.
In the words of my favorite Empress: "Have a great weekend! I know I will!"

Oh How I Will Miss the "Ville"

As most of you know by now, mom and I will be leaving Gainesville, for good this time, on July 17th. As excited as I am about moving to Indian Harbour Beach, I am sad to be leaving the town I know so well. I grew up here...I've raised 2 children here (well, on and off...between here and Lakeland). So many wonderful memories:
Gainesville High School (Go 'Canes), Frisch's Big Boy, Burrito Brothers, Holiday Inn, muddin' in the JP, THE SWAMP on Saturday afternoons in the Fall, AGH, Shands (spent too much time there) long lasting friendships, Mark, David, Marty K., Vicki, my first boyfriend (Glenn), my first heartbreak (Glenn), Pizza Hut, my first apartment, graduating from UF (25 years after graduating high school) Lillians, The Spring Arts Festival, SIMED (really?), Kenney, Suzanne, Dr. Bill, Ron, SAGE (really?), Hilly, Angie, Mark, Javi, Youth Soccer, Sandi and Ray, GAINESVILLE GREEN, beer runs, head shops, Dubs (Tom Petty), Sister Hazel, The O'Dome, 13th and University, Paynes Prairie, Gainesville Health and Fitness (really?) Brookwood Terrace, Georgetown, the little house on 5th Avenue (The Rock), Danny's, the old library, Century Tower, GPA building (now known as Turlington Hall), the Hub, Stephen's first bike ride, Brett's first goal in soccer...and so many others.
What I will miss the most, the very most, is waking up on a Saturday morning in the Fall, going to Publix and everyone in the store is wearing the same colors....orange and blue.
It's great to be a Florida Gator...and it's great to have lived in "The Ville"

Another Saturday Night...

Hmph.....

Nothing to Say, Really!?

Work is keeping me from blogging. There. I have something to blame for my lack of writing. That, coupled with the fact that there is really nothing exciting to write about.
Quick update: Princess Laura is out of the hospital and in a rehab center working hard on her recovery. She is a strong woman and I know she will get through this in no time.
You can tell summer has arrived in Florida: everyday at 4:00 pm the sky gets black as night. By 5:30 (the time I leave for home from work) the thunderstorm has settled in. It's gone by 7:00. One can practically set their watch by the weather here.
I watched a show Friday night about Farrah Fawcett and her struggle with cancer. Then I got a feeling I haven't felt in a very long time: survivor's guilt. Why is the disease and treatment killing her, yet I get to live? She's been to Germany 4 times for treatments with specialists in that field of cancer. I had it rough: 8 rounds of chemo (as opposed to the standard 4) every 2 weeks and 72 rounds of radiation (as opposed to the standard 25); I had radiation twice a day...8:00 am and then back to the hospital at 4:30 pm (You have to allow at least 6 hours between treatments). And here I am; healthy, post-menapausal, but healthy. And I think I take it for granted alot of the time. How is it that cancer kills some but not others?
TMI for a blog, maybe.
Ok, enough of the downer stuff...have a good week. And make sure to tell the one's you love how you feel about them.

Have A Glass With Me!!

I used my new blender today. I made myself a "fruity drink" like they have on the cruises. The drink was awesome. So awesome, I had another one. I drank both of them out of my favorite cruise line's glass (Not the glass in this picture). All that was missing was the orange wedge and the umbrella. Of course it would have been nice to have been sipping these drinks while aboard a cruise ship in the middle of the Caribbean, but hey, I did what I could.
It's been a long week. I wish I could tell you that Laura is doing well, but I can't do that yet. I can tell you that she is hanging tough and I know she will pull through all this, it will just take a lot of time and patience. So I raise my "special" glass in honor of Laura, who will one day read this, laugh hysterically, and then chew me out for having wasted so much space and words on her.
Many of you have asked about my job. I really would rather not talk about it. I'm making money and that's a good thing. And so, I raise my glass again.
Next weekend, mom and I will be going to Cocoa Beach to visit friends and then to Orlando to meet up with my brother who is flying in for a long weekend from Cali. (I raise my glass in honor of Marc flying here safely). Then we will go to Lakeland and visit with Stephen, Casey, Brett and Gavin. (I raise my glass in honor of my grandson) I am really looking forward to next weekend.
The weather here has been quite lovely lately. Highs in the upper 80's with a nice breeze. (I raise my glass in honor of the fact I live in Florida) I'm hoping to sit out and get some sun tomorrow.
And now my glass is empty. (Now I know how Lori feels when we all say EVIL). And because I know Laura will be alright, my brother will get here safely, I am spending next weekend with my family, I am making money, and the weather is nice...I must go and get a re-fill.
Join me, won't you? We'll raise a glass to anything you want!

Princess Laura

Remember a few posts ago I said I like to use this blog as a catharsis? Well I need a catharsis today. I just found out 1 of my best friends, Princess Laura was in a terrible car accident. She has a broken hip and a broken vertebrae in her neck.
My first impulse was to book the first flight out of Gainesville and get to her in New Jersey. Scratch that, no money and no time off from my new job. Send flowers? That just doesn't seem to be enough for me. Laura has become such big part of my life...I feel I need to do more!!
She is so funny. She has an unusual attraction to piano bar boys and dancing poles. She loves to cruise as much as I do, if not more. She says I am half of her brain, as we both think alike in so many ways. We talk on the phone (which we both hate) about the silliness of boys, how to survive the world of IT (she does better than I; she's a Unix freak), and most of the time my neurosis of everything that matters. Oh, did I mention she's a HUGE Donald Duck fan?
I guess in the end, all I can do is call her often and let her know I am here. And pray. She would love that.

postscript: It has been 3 hours since I wrote this post. Being the Jewish woman that I am, I did the only thing I could do as I wait to hear word of my friend: I cleaned. I washed the car, gave Max a bath, mopped the entire house and vacuumed all the rugs. Laura....get well soon!! I'm running out of things to clean! :)

Yom Hashoah

And so tonight, the people of the Jewish faith light a candle to remember the 6 million that died. And we shall never forget. For if we forget, it can happen again.

I Really Should Blog More

I know I should. I really should. Blogging is a catharsis of some sorts. But I find myself so very tired at the end of the day, it's all I can do to fix a sandwich and stay awake to watch my shows. Damn chemotherapy aged me at least 10 years. But hey, I'm alive!
I will try to write more often, even if it's only on the weekends.
Job is good (as jobs go). I've decided that working is highly overrated and therefore I need to win the lottery soon. Stephen and Brett celebrated their birthday's last week. Stephen, Casey and Gavin are moving to a new home in Lakeland next weekend. I am excited for them. Mom is doing well, a little bored in the afternoons, but otherwise all is good. My brother Marc has finally worked enough days (675) to be accepted into the Directors Guild of America. I am SO proud of him!!! Now he can work as a 2nd AD and make more money, as well as use his creative talents. He is living his dream!
Possibility exists that I may be going on a cruise in November. Not ready to share the details yet, but surely hope it comes to fruition.
That's all from here. Oh, wait...only 5 more months until GATOR football starts!! Gotta love it!!

Random Thoughts

I had a really nice weekend. Casey, Stephen, Brett and Gavin came to visit. Saturday was such a gorgeous Spring day we went to the park. We had a good time, especially Gavin who loves to swing and go down the slide. He is growing up so fast. I miss them alot.
Without going into too much detail, even though the weekend was great, I'm still a bit down. I'm getting ready to do something I really don't want to do, but I'm doing it for very good reasons. Still, that doesn't make it any easier. This too shall pass, I keep telling myself.
I'm just ready for good things to happen. Or are good things happening and I'm just taking them for granted? I guess I need to enjoy the good times a bit more and stop looking at the big picture. Cause the big picture just stinks. Blah, blah, blah...she's bitching again.
And what is up with this weather? Lows in the 30's in April???? I do believe the world is spinning off it's axis and I would like to get off the ride, thank you very much.
I have lots of friends. Just none that live within a 100 mile radius of me. Do you know how hard it is to call someone on a Friday night and say "Let's go out for a few drinks. I'll be there in 2 hours."? Neither do I.
Pity party over.

The End of An Era...Finally

Tonight is the season finale of "ER". This was a show I once loved, I mean it was MUST see TV on Thursday nights. Everyone was swooning over George Clooney; not me. I have always been a huge Noah Wyle fan. Can never get enough of him.
Though the series is ending tonight, the show died for me years ago. I think the last episode I ever watched in it's entirety was the one where Romano was killed by a falling helicopter. After that, it was just too ridiculous. Here are some of my most favorite moments:

* Carole Hathaway leaves Chicago to join Dr. Doug Ross in Seattle (didn't see that one coming at all!)
* Dr. John Carter's first day at County.
* Dr. Mark Green working feverishly to save the life of a pregnant woman, although he fails.
* Dr. Peter Benton flies with Carter to Atlanta to kick his drug habit.
* Dr. Ross saving a small child from a sewer drain.
* Dr. Carter and his intern Lucy Knight are stabbed by a crazed patient (Subsequently, Lucy died and I remember Stephen running around the house screaming, "They killed Lucy!!" "They killed Lucy!!" HE never watched the show after that.)
* Dr. Romano trying feverishly to save Lucy's life.
* Dr. Green's cancer story.

Those are just a few episodes that stick out in my mind. What were yours?

Music

It always amazes me how I can be listening to the radio and the song which best describes my mood/life/feelings comes on at just the right time. For instance:

No, you can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
And if you try sometime you find
You get what you need.
---The Rolling Stones

This is my life right now in a nutshell.

I like almost all types of music. I admit, guiltily, I am a closet disco fan. Rock and Roll follows a very close second. (or as it's now known, "old time rock and roll"). Right behind rock and roll, is reggae. Reggae takes me to places I love to visit. As well, it makes me believe "every little ting gonna be 'arie." I could live without 2 types of music: opera and rap. Both are usually sung in a language I can never understand.

Let the music play!!

And Now I'm Back

Time has served me well. My spirits are a bit better. A very good friend e-mailed this to me today. It made me smile and I wanted to share. It made me think of all of you.

Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got.
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot.

Wouldn't you like to get away?

Sometimes you want to go

Where everybody knows your name,
and they're always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see,
our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows
Your name.

You wanna go where people know,
people are all the same,
You wanna go where everybody knows
your name.

That Time Again

It's time again for me to re-assess life. Things are just not going the way I had planned. I'm very confused and so unsure of myself, which is very unusual. It's kind of scary. So I need to take some time and figure out what I need to do to be happy.
I said back in July, "when one door closes another one opens." The door seems to be shut pretty tight right now and I must find a way to re-open it. I need to find the right tools and abilities to get the door open and find my path.
Going silently into that gentle night...

My Best Friend's Birthday

Today is my best friend's birthday. She is an amazing woman who has inspired me for my entire life. She is smart, funny, bold, intuitive, compassionate, and sometimes, completely crazy. She is part Pisces, part Aries, having been born on the cusp of both. So while she is imaginative and creative, she can be as stubborn as a male ram. Having been married twice, she quickly found that independence was her strong suit. Her perfect day is any day at the beach with good friends, good food, and good drinks. Harry Belafonte and Neil Diamond rock her world. Not suprisingly as she was growing up, Joan Baez, and The Highway Men were everything to her. I'm not sure, but I think it's safe to say she may have been a beatnik. Her several careers have included being an RN and a Medical Transcriptionist (175 words per minute!!) At the ripe old age of 35, she went back to college and received her Bachelor's degree in Gerontology, which led to her last career move, that of a Nursing Home Administrator. Flowing with creativity and new ideas of better ways to take care of the elderly, she attempted to make life better for the aged under her care. But the medical system being what is was, would not allow her to do that. So, bitterly, she retired. Now she spends all of her mornings volunteering at a local elementary school, utilizing her love of life and laughter teaching the youngest of children how to read.
I love that she is my best friend. I can tell her anything and everything, which I usually do. And I know she will tell me exactly how she feels, no holds barred. When I was sick, she was with me everyday in every way...crying, laughing, and encouraging me to hang in there. Were it not for her, I'm not sure I would still be here today.
She is my idol. I love her more than mere words can express. I only hope that one day I can be as good a human being as she is.
Happy Birthday Mom!

A Little of This, A Little of That

First, I want my hour back. I understand all too well why the time change was implemented after WWII. To help the farmers and so kids wouldn't have to come home from school in the dark. I get it. But the farmers are going to get up anyway and most kids have a cell phone so they can call their parents if there is any trouble. So please, consider giving me my hour back.
Now, for my friends in the North, you may want to skip this part. Spring has arrived in Florida!! When I wrote my last entry I was sitting in my house with 3 layers of clothes on and the heat running. Today, I am sitting on the back porch with all the windows in the house wide open, wearing a tank top and shorts. I am loving it! Now I know, 3 months from now I will complaining about the unbearable heat and humidity, but today, it is more than beautiful.
I have a job interview in Philadelphia next Tuesday (St. Patrick's Day). It's for a medical software company. It's a one day trip...leave Gainesville at 6:00 a.m and get back to Gainesville at 12:00 a.m. Long day, for sure. But I'm sure it will be worth it. The job would have me traveling a lot but working from home when not traveling. I like the sound of that.
My Gator basketball team is playing in the SEC tournament at the end of the week. Here's hoping for all good things. I'm at least hoping they make it to the dance.
Today is cleaning day in the old homestead, so I'm off to do the mopping.
Have a GREAT day!

A Nice Weekend

Oy, can I tell you what a nice weekend I had? I got to spend time not only with Stephen, Brett, Casey and Gavin, but I had the opportunity to visit with friends as well. But, truth be told, babysitting Gavin was the highlight of the weekend.
Stephen and Casey decided to go on a date. So, I got to feed Gavin dinner, play time, bath time and night-night time.
He's getting so big...crawling all over and he can walk as long as he can hold on to a piece of furniture. And he eats: for dinner that night he had rice cereal mixed with sweet potatoes and bananas for dessert. If you don't get the spoon to his mouth quick enough, he will surely let you know. LOL. And he doesn't like it when you try to wipe the food off his mouth with a spoon. Nope, he's not having any part of that. He drinks his apple juice out of a sippy cup and when he's done with his sip, he will gladly throw the cup on the floor for you. I loved it!
Play time is awesome. He has lots of toys but is partial to 2: the basketball hoop that makes noises when pulled upon and his sesame street table. He pulls himself up on that table, pushes the buttons and Elmo sings, Ernie sings and Big Bird makes noises. He loves it!
But bath time is the ultimate! As soon as you begin to undress him, his little arms start flailing, he kicks his legs up and down and a GIANT smile comes across his face. Once in the bathtub it's all about the rubber ducky. You can throw anything else you want into the tub, but it's all about the duck (sounds like a good friend I know). Splash, splash, duck in mouth, splash, splash. When it's time to get out of the tub, he gets wrapped up in his towel. But you have to keep his right hand OUT of the towel. Why, you may ask? Because once he is dried off, Stephen has taught him to "turn the light out". He turns the light off in the bathroom. I made the mistake of wrapping his right hand in his towel. Yeah, that didn't go over very well. He finally got his right hand free and I said, "Gavin, please turn the light out." and so he did. And then I turned the light on again, and he turned it off again. We did this quite a few times. He gets the largest grin across his lips and his eyes light up when he does this. Getting into pajamas is a bit of a struggle. It seems Gavin is not very fond of getting dressed. He wiggles, squirms, tries to crawl away and even cries a bit, of course without tears. But we got through it.
It was now night-night time. While his bottle was warming up, he and I sang the "3 Bears Song" (a song I learned in Girl Scouts. Yes, I was a girl scout). We went into his room, I sat in the rocking chair and slowly while sucking on his bottle, he fell asleep. Well, not really. Casey has it worked out so that he doesn't depend on finishing his bottle before he goes to sleep. I wish I had been able to do that with my kids. After feeding him a bit of his bottle, I gently put him in his crib, covered him with his blankies, turned on his music box and quietly left the room, but not before turning my head back one last time to stare at my beautiful grandbaby.
It was one of the best Saturday nights I've ever had.

Withdrawal

You should know before you read any further: this is going to be a bitch and moan and stomp my feet entry. If you're not into that, please read no further.
I am suffering from withdrawal. At first I thought it was just cruise withdrawal. Once you get off a ship and return home it's hard to remember that there isn't someone who is going to come make your bed twice a day and leave a towel animal in your room. Or that you can have steak cooked for you EVERY night if you want. I thought it was that kind of withdrawal. But after a week of thinking about the cruise and all the fun, I realized it's not the cruise I miss, it's the people. I am going through friend withdrawal.
I know, I know, I can call them, e-mail or text with them, but it's just not the same as seeing them everyday. None of the people I am closest to live anywhere near me. And I don't know if and when we will all be together again. It makes me sad.
Something else I realized today: this is the first time in 5 years wherein I don't have a cruise planned for the future. 5 years! I wish I knew how some of my friends are able to do it; that is, cruise 3-4 times a year. I'm jealous.
So, now I'm sad, jealous AND going through withdrawal.
I need a life.
All done.

There Once Was A Princess...

Long before there was Big Ed's crew, before my days of cruising, before I had children of my own, I was a Princess. No kidding. It was a title my father gave me the day I was born. And he called me his Princess until the day he passed, 17 years ago today. Mind you, as I got older, my daddy had other names for me, but none that I care to mention here and on this day.
Looking back, I admit it, my daddy spoiled me...rotten. The Princess wants it, so it shall be...within limits. Up until about the age of 10. Then I had to start work for things. My big brown eyes didn't melt his heart anymore. Don't get me wrong...daddy still loved me, but I was NOT going to get the pony I wanted for my 10th birthday.
As I got older, our relationship became strained. He had his way of looking at the world and I had mine. Needless to say, we didn't think alike on almost anything. But I knew I was still his Princess.
In my religion, we remember our parents on the anniversary of their death by lighting a candle and saying a prayer. So every year around this time, I remember the phone call from my brother telling me my daddy had died suddenly of a heart attack. He was only 53. I remember flying to New York for the funeral. I remember the cold, cold day we buried him. I remember that for years after his death I regretted that our last phone call had been one where we argued. I remember that for years and years I tried so hard to live up to my dad's expectations for me as a mother. And once I remember all these sad and miserable issues, I remember the way he used to carry me on his shoulder when we played "horsey". I remember how I used to sit at the front door of our apartment, waiting for him to get off the elevator from work, and when he did, I would run down the hallway and he would scoop me up in his arms. I remember when he was REALLY mad at me, he called me "sister" and I would laugh, I remember how proud he was at my Bat Mitzvah, even though his own mother had died the day before. I remember how proud he was when I graduated high school. I remember when he walked me down the "aisle" at my first wedding. I remember how proud he was to be "pawpaw" to Stephen and Brett. But mostly, I remember how lucky I was to have him for as long as I did.
I miss and love you, Daddy and I remember you, today and always.
Love,
Your Princess

Guilty Pleasure

Oh, my, gawd! I love television. I have the standard shows that I consistently watch and will tell everyone I am watching. However, there is 1 show I never mention to anyone. It's my guilty pleasure. It's "The Real Housewives of New York City" Just thinking about the show gets me so "ferklempt!"
Jill is my favorite housewife. Have you have seen such a brazen woman before in your life? Bethenny it too funny for words. The Countess...I swear, if I didn't know better, I'd think she is really a man in women's clothing. Not very fond of Ramona and Alex is, in my humble opinion a total phony. And with the season premiere tonight, I understand there's a newbie.
Their accents and cat fights are a hoot. Can I just tell you, you've got to watch dis show at least once...oh, my gawd!

My Ship Has Sailed

And oh what a time it was!
There was just too much fun, laughter and drinking to put into one post. It was so good to see old friends and meet the "newbies". At some times, I felt like a true rock star. The food was good, the beaches were great, the shopping non-existent (for me, anyway), the dancing, the singing, the shows...I could go on and on. 2 days in New Orleans and 5 days aboard ship, it was surely a trip I will not soon forget.
As you can see from the above picture, we've added another Princess to the royal court. She loves her tiara and wore it proudly, as did we all.
It will be a very long time before I will be able to see everyone in the same place again. But I will always have the memories. And for this, I am so grateful.
More pics can be found here: http://picasaweb.google.com/PrincessElaine82

Home Safely....Except for My Liver

Just wanted to let everyone know that I am back in Gainesville after a WONDERFUL week away. Will tell you all the juicy details, pictures included in a few days. I need some time to get my land legs back and allow my liver to flush out the way too much drinking I did.
And for those of you who were seated at my table for the duration of the cruise, I say....
"Tank you." "Tank you veddy much."

Bon Voyage!!

Yes, I know I still have 40 hours until I leave. But with all the running around I have to do tomorrow, I'm not sure I will have time to blog.
So, in 40 hours, I will board a plane to New Orleans, where I will spend 2 fun days hanging with the other Princesses and the Crew, as we wait to board the Carnival Fantasy on Saturday. Then it's 5 fun-filled days aboard the ship. Activities include a PJ Party in the piano bar (wait til you see the pajama's I've chosen to wear...you'll love 'em), a special beach excursion for blogger's only and a Male Nightgown Contest (Yo, Kevin!!). I promise lots and lots of pictures when I get back. Until then, I've posted a picture from last year's blogger's cruise. This picture is of Princess Sue, the quiet one, Princess Laura, the sweet and innocent, myself,(Princess Elaine, the quiet and single) and Princess Barb, the good one. Since then, we've crowned 2 other Princesses: Princess Nanni of the Muchos Huggos, and Princess Lori, the happy one. Unfortunately, Nanni and Lori will not be able to join us, but I hope to meet them in person one day soon.
So, off I go for some rest and relaxation. But more importantly, some time away from the issues that have been bringing me down. I'm NOT packing THEM in my suitcase!
Later Gators!!

Secrecy

Why do you tell secrets to people you know you can't trust? Because, in our heart of hearts, you WANT to trust them. Has experience not taught you anything? There are those who walk amongst you who should not be trusted. And once the secret is told, it usually hurts someone else. THAT'S WHY IT WAS MEANT TO BE A SECRET!!
I've never really thought about the word secret before today. But I learned of a secret early this morning and it's been churning up my stomach all day. Why? Because I was the one that got hurt, kind of. And what's worse, is I know the secret was told to me with the intent of getting a rise out of me. Someone told somebody else a secret. She told him, so he would tell me. She KNEW he couldn't be trusted to secrecy. This is why she did it. I've always said she was crazy and evil; this is just more proof.
I would tell you who "she" is, but it's a secret.

Not A Minute Too Soon, Either!!!

My thoughts are all consuming. All I can think about is getting to New Orleans, hanging out with my friends for 2 days on land and then 5 days aboard the ship. As I know this will be my last vacation for a very long time, it is my intention to have as much fun as humanly possible, with and/or without the use of alcohol. I desperately need this time away. 9 more long days. Time needs to move faster.

Good Day/Bad Day

Today was a good day as the country inaugurated a new President. He makes me hopeful for our country, something I haven't been in a very long time. (For you conservatives out there, I mean beyond the last 8 years). However, I was a bit upset with the 44th President, when, in his inaugural address, he lambasted ex-President Bush. There was really no call for that.
But I digress.
Today was a bad day, as I received an e-mail from a company that was my last hope for a job, informing me that the company now has a hiring freeze. I'm totally bummed.
Speaking of freezes, it's cold as snot here in sunny Florida (sorry Laura, Jaime, Sue, Lori, etc). I know cold is relative, but as I sit here writing this blog and it's a blustery 29 degrees. I know, I know, it could be worse. I could be in New Jersey, Indianapolis, Ohio, Michigan, Illinois and all points North. But I need to bitch or else I may explode.
I'm done...for now.

It's Starting To Bother Me A Bit

So, as most of you know, I was surprised with a baby on my doorstep last Saturday. Turns out it was Gavin, Stephen, Casey and Brett who made a spur of the moment decision to come to Gainesville and visit. It was a wonderful weekend, culminating with a visit to the SWAMP for the National Championship celebration. As well, it was Gavin's first time at the SWAMP and I got to be there for it. It was truly a magical and wonderful weekend.
For the most part, I have carried that happy, warm feeling with me all week. (especially the warm part, as it has been downright COLD here the last few days) However, I'm starting to get a little down. I went to the doctor on Monday for my 6 month check. Good news is, still no sign of cancer. Bad news is that my cholesterol is sky high, which really isn't a surprise, as I haven't been able to afford my cholesterol medicine for the last 6 months. That, coupled with the fact that I am going on a cruise in less than 3 weeks, but yet don't know how I'm going to pay my rent before I go, has got me singing the blues.
I am of the belief that responsibilities must be taken care of before one can have fun. I raised my boys that way: homework before play time, bills paid before extracurricular activities, etc. I talk the talk and have always walked the walk, until now. I did the "taking down of the suitcase" ceremony 2 weeks ago. Well, it's down, but I have yet to pack anything. I printed out my "tickets" but couldn't bring myself to do the "ticket dance" as I usually do. I AM excited about the cruise and especially excited about seeing my "Blogger Family" but can't bring myself to feel good about it. If I at least knew I had a job to come back to, maybe I could be a bit happier.
Sometimes, no a lot of the time, I find myself feeling sorry for myself and I KNOW I shouldn't. I've got so much to be happy about. But still, it's beginning to bother me a bit.
I guess this too shall pass...right?

2008 NATIONAL CHAMPS!!

See, I told you good things were just around the corner. The FLORIDA GATORS are the 2008 National Champions!! Gotta love it!

Still Learning

I am of the belief that G-d has a purpose for all things under the sun. That's why elephants look the way they do, as well as rhino's and why some men insist on walking around the house in just their underwear and socks. There's a method to the madness. I learned this lesson when I was struck with cancer 9 years ago. During this time I learned not to question G-d. You'll never get an answer and asking "why" will just drive you insane. Since I was laid-off 6 months ago, I have never asked why; however, I have asked myself "what I am to learn from this?" I've done quite a bit of soul searching over the past few weeks, especially during the holidays, and here is what I have so far.

I've Learned to Be More Patient-Now, here, I thought I had this one licked. While working at my last job there were times when software had to be loaded on to servers. This could occur as quickly as 30 minutes or as long as 2 days. There were times when conference calls would go on for hours, where the discussion would just seem to go in circles. I had other, more important tasks that needed my attention! Going into this job, I was NOT the most patient person, but I thought I had learned my lesson. EH! WRONG! Being the control freak that I am (translation:anal), I always have my bills ready to be paid 3 months ahead of schedule. Now, having a limited income resource, I've had to learn how to "wait and see how things fall out". This has been most difficult, but I am a better person for it and will remember what TRUE patience is when all is said and done. But a harder lesson I've had to learn is...
How to Be Gracious-I am a very proud person. I don't like to be pitied or looked upon as a charity case. I've taken care of myself and my children on my own for most of my life. I don't like hand-outs. However, recently, I have been receiving gifts, such as boxes of food, e-mails from friends with links to job sites, MONEY, advice and other assorted presents...for no reason at all! Just out of the kindness of friends hearts. It's been hard for me to accept these gifts without my pride taking a direct hit. But I've learned that saying "thank you" and TRULY meaning it, are 2 different things. So to those friends out there who have been so kind in helping me, when I say thank you, know that it comes from my whole heart and soul.
A Mother Never Stops Worrying-You may think that I am referring to how I worry about Stephen and Brett. That's not the case here, for I am speaking of MY mother. Here I am at the ripe old age of ** and my mom is still worried about me. Daily. I would have thought by now, after all these years, she would not stop caring, but at least not have to be concerned about me. I was wrong. A mother's concern for her children never, ever stops. I only hope that one day I will be able to bless her without so MUCH worry. And lastly, at least for today...
True Happiness Must Come From Within-I haven't fully grasped this yet. I'm still working on it. But it's not a job, or a person or persons, or a cruise (although a cruise comes awfully close:)) No, I have to be happy with myself. This is a tough one for me. I feel as though I have been searching for this my whole life and I somehow have the notion that it's just around the corner, waiting for me to find it. Maybe it's just baby steps at first. I don't know.
So maybe the purpose of being laid off was for me to do some soul searching. To learn some important lessons. I don't know the answer. But I know, from experience, not to ask why.
Hang in here with me. I have a feeling the best is yet to come.