Secrecy

Why do you tell secrets to people you know you can't trust? Because, in our heart of hearts, you WANT to trust them. Has experience not taught you anything? There are those who walk amongst you who should not be trusted. And once the secret is told, it usually hurts someone else. THAT'S WHY IT WAS MEANT TO BE A SECRET!!
I've never really thought about the word secret before today. But I learned of a secret early this morning and it's been churning up my stomach all day. Why? Because I was the one that got hurt, kind of. And what's worse, is I know the secret was told to me with the intent of getting a rise out of me. Someone told somebody else a secret. She told him, so he would tell me. She KNEW he couldn't be trusted to secrecy. This is why she did it. I've always said she was crazy and evil; this is just more proof.
I would tell you who "she" is, but it's a secret.

Not A Minute Too Soon, Either!!!

My thoughts are all consuming. All I can think about is getting to New Orleans, hanging out with my friends for 2 days on land and then 5 days aboard the ship. As I know this will be my last vacation for a very long time, it is my intention to have as much fun as humanly possible, with and/or without the use of alcohol. I desperately need this time away. 9 more long days. Time needs to move faster.

Good Day/Bad Day

Today was a good day as the country inaugurated a new President. He makes me hopeful for our country, something I haven't been in a very long time. (For you conservatives out there, I mean beyond the last 8 years). However, I was a bit upset with the 44th President, when, in his inaugural address, he lambasted ex-President Bush. There was really no call for that.
But I digress.
Today was a bad day, as I received an e-mail from a company that was my last hope for a job, informing me that the company now has a hiring freeze. I'm totally bummed.
Speaking of freezes, it's cold as snot here in sunny Florida (sorry Laura, Jaime, Sue, Lori, etc). I know cold is relative, but as I sit here writing this blog and it's a blustery 29 degrees. I know, I know, it could be worse. I could be in New Jersey, Indianapolis, Ohio, Michigan, Illinois and all points North. But I need to bitch or else I may explode.
I'm done...for now.

It's Starting To Bother Me A Bit

So, as most of you know, I was surprised with a baby on my doorstep last Saturday. Turns out it was Gavin, Stephen, Casey and Brett who made a spur of the moment decision to come to Gainesville and visit. It was a wonderful weekend, culminating with a visit to the SWAMP for the National Championship celebration. As well, it was Gavin's first time at the SWAMP and I got to be there for it. It was truly a magical and wonderful weekend.
For the most part, I have carried that happy, warm feeling with me all week. (especially the warm part, as it has been downright COLD here the last few days) However, I'm starting to get a little down. I went to the doctor on Monday for my 6 month check. Good news is, still no sign of cancer. Bad news is that my cholesterol is sky high, which really isn't a surprise, as I haven't been able to afford my cholesterol medicine for the last 6 months. That, coupled with the fact that I am going on a cruise in less than 3 weeks, but yet don't know how I'm going to pay my rent before I go, has got me singing the blues.
I am of the belief that responsibilities must be taken care of before one can have fun. I raised my boys that way: homework before play time, bills paid before extracurricular activities, etc. I talk the talk and have always walked the walk, until now. I did the "taking down of the suitcase" ceremony 2 weeks ago. Well, it's down, but I have yet to pack anything. I printed out my "tickets" but couldn't bring myself to do the "ticket dance" as I usually do. I AM excited about the cruise and especially excited about seeing my "Blogger Family" but can't bring myself to feel good about it. If I at least knew I had a job to come back to, maybe I could be a bit happier.
Sometimes, no a lot of the time, I find myself feeling sorry for myself and I KNOW I shouldn't. I've got so much to be happy about. But still, it's beginning to bother me a bit.
I guess this too shall pass...right?

2008 NATIONAL CHAMPS!!

See, I told you good things were just around the corner. The FLORIDA GATORS are the 2008 National Champions!! Gotta love it!

Still Learning

I am of the belief that G-d has a purpose for all things under the sun. That's why elephants look the way they do, as well as rhino's and why some men insist on walking around the house in just their underwear and socks. There's a method to the madness. I learned this lesson when I was struck with cancer 9 years ago. During this time I learned not to question G-d. You'll never get an answer and asking "why" will just drive you insane. Since I was laid-off 6 months ago, I have never asked why; however, I have asked myself "what I am to learn from this?" I've done quite a bit of soul searching over the past few weeks, especially during the holidays, and here is what I have so far.

I've Learned to Be More Patient-Now, here, I thought I had this one licked. While working at my last job there were times when software had to be loaded on to servers. This could occur as quickly as 30 minutes or as long as 2 days. There were times when conference calls would go on for hours, where the discussion would just seem to go in circles. I had other, more important tasks that needed my attention! Going into this job, I was NOT the most patient person, but I thought I had learned my lesson. EH! WRONG! Being the control freak that I am (translation:anal), I always have my bills ready to be paid 3 months ahead of schedule. Now, having a limited income resource, I've had to learn how to "wait and see how things fall out". This has been most difficult, but I am a better person for it and will remember what TRUE patience is when all is said and done. But a harder lesson I've had to learn is...
How to Be Gracious-I am a very proud person. I don't like to be pitied or looked upon as a charity case. I've taken care of myself and my children on my own for most of my life. I don't like hand-outs. However, recently, I have been receiving gifts, such as boxes of food, e-mails from friends with links to job sites, MONEY, advice and other assorted presents...for no reason at all! Just out of the kindness of friends hearts. It's been hard for me to accept these gifts without my pride taking a direct hit. But I've learned that saying "thank you" and TRULY meaning it, are 2 different things. So to those friends out there who have been so kind in helping me, when I say thank you, know that it comes from my whole heart and soul.
A Mother Never Stops Worrying-You may think that I am referring to how I worry about Stephen and Brett. That's not the case here, for I am speaking of MY mother. Here I am at the ripe old age of ** and my mom is still worried about me. Daily. I would have thought by now, after all these years, she would not stop caring, but at least not have to be concerned about me. I was wrong. A mother's concern for her children never, ever stops. I only hope that one day I will be able to bless her without so MUCH worry. And lastly, at least for today...
True Happiness Must Come From Within-I haven't fully grasped this yet. I'm still working on it. But it's not a job, or a person or persons, or a cruise (although a cruise comes awfully close:)) No, I have to be happy with myself. This is a tough one for me. I feel as though I have been searching for this my whole life and I somehow have the notion that it's just around the corner, waiting for me to find it. Maybe it's just baby steps at first. I don't know.
So maybe the purpose of being laid off was for me to do some soul searching. To learn some important lessons. I don't know the answer. But I know, from experience, not to ask why.
Hang in here with me. I have a feeling the best is yet to come.

Happy New Year!!!

May the coming year bring happiness, good health and a dose of prosperity to us all!
I'm going to be taking some time away from the blog for a while. I've hit one of those "I Vant to be Alone" moods and I will be shrinking inwards for a bit. Hopefully by the time I'm ready to face the world again, I will have some happy news to share.
Until then...I bid you adieu.